You Have a Great Past Just Ahead of You

If you were part of the “second family”,  summer vacation to you meant the beach:  sand and sea and the smell and taste of salt on your skin. It’s boogie boards and sunscreen and the sound of seagulls and the sting of jelly fish and buying the tee shirt with a beagle in the hammock and  going for ice cream on the sound. But if you were one of “the four” and you grew up in the land-locked midwest and it was 1980 something, summer vacation was a whole other thing. It was camping in the rain, little cereal boxes of your favorite cereals (except for the Raisin Bran which nobody wanted), trips to the ER for stitches and ear infections, and Silver Dollar City.

The first family vacation we ever took that was not to visit grandparents came about from a conversation with Paul’s brother David who insisted that the perfect vacation spot was hidden away deep in the Ozarks in an out-of-the-way spot known as Branson, Missouri. Today, of course, Branson is a destination in and of itself which draws thousands upon thousands of visitors each year to its music shows. But this was before all that. This was about a little theme park where you rode the trolley from the parking lot to the gate not because it was too far too walk but because it was one of the few “rides” the park offered and you listened to the patter of the “tour guide” who explained that you were about to step back in time – 100 years to be exact. “Welcome to Silver Dollar City – where you’ll find  a great past just ahead of you!” he promised as we stepped off the trolley and into some of the best memories we would make as a family.

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The first time we went was sometime in the early 80s; there is some disagreement among us as to the exact year so we’ll just call it 1980something. We sent away for the brochures and when they arrived in the mail (Seriously. That’s how we did things before the internet.), we sat down on family nights and poured over them:  planning our itinerary, studying the maps and highlighting the best route from Illinois to Missouri, making a budget, writing the lists of all the things to do and take and ready before our big adventure. How many weeks (months) did we do this?

Because we had no money, we knew hotel rooms and restaurant meals were out of the question. But not to worry – for a fraction of the cost we could buy a brand new tent (I think we already had some sleeping bags we had collected along the way) and thanks to our trusty brochures we found the Blue Mountain Campground nearby (with a swimming pool and laundry facilities!) where we could pitch our tent. We could afford tickets to Silver Dollar City for a day and half and the rest of the time we would vacation at the campground:  swimming and collecting wood for the fire we would build to cook our meals and toast marshmallows for the s’mores. What could possibly go wrong you ask. Let me count the ways.

1.   Before using a tent for the first time it would behoove. . .  (okay – cross that off my bucket list – I have always wanted to use that word in a sentence). . . it would behoove you to set it up at home to make sure (a) all the necessary pieces are present and accounted for and (b) you actually know how said pieces fit together.

2.  It rains in the Ozarks. A lot. Not all tents are waterproof.  Soaking wet sleeping bags require a heavy duty dryer which can only be found at a laundromat. Also, a strong storm can blow down a tent altogether.

Early one morning, after a night where no one had slept due to the soaking wet tent, the soaking wet sleeping bags, and the all round soaking wet, miserable conditions, the owners of the campground took pity on us. Chad was outside our tent – yelling.  “Faye says for y’all to come on up to the house for pancakes and get those babies in outa’ this rain!!”  Thank God for Chad and Faye and  Ozark hospitality!

3.  Camp playgrounds are all fun and games until someone parachutes out of a swing, lands in the gravel, and slices open her hand which will require a trip to the emergency room for stitches, taking up an entire afternoon of vacation. In years to come we would battle strep throat, ear infections and stomach flu – so much so that it seemed it wasn’t vacation if somebody didn’t get hurt or sick.

4.  It is best not to allow a three year old to jump into the deep end of the swimming pool holding a beach ball as a flotation device. This can go south pretty quickly.

5.  It turns out young children are more enamored with playing in the fire and cooking over the fire than they are with eating the food cooked in said fire. They’re not so much about the char the fire leaves on the hotdogs or the crunch of aluminum-foil-wrapped- potatoes cooked in the coals which never seemed to get done. But they did absolutely love the little individual boxes of cereal that they could open up, pour in the milk and eat right out of the box.

The tent – before it blew down in the rainstorm
Chad and Faye – God bless ’em
Ozark hospitality

And yet, for all of that, we returned to the Blue Mountain Campground again and again, year after year.

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The campsite
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The train robbery

And to Silver Dollar City.  After the first year we figured out that for not too much more money, we could buy a season pass and then go to the park every day for our five days of vacation. We rode the train with its steam powered engine and never grew tired of the train robbers who entertained the passengers with their scripted and improvised lines.

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Paul in the saloon show

We were regulars at the Silver Dollar Saloon where the singing bartenders served rootbeer in frosty mugs and peanuts in the shell. The saloon girls put on their show and hauled a sucker up from the audience to mock and ridicule him and so of course the kids figured out which chair they always chose to pull their victim from and convinced Dad to sit in the chair at least once a season. In the middle of the show Carrie Nation and her Suffragettes marched in to break up the riffraff and it took the Sheriff to restore order. The girls bought garters and when they got home they practiced the Can-Can and sang “Why do they call us wild women, wild women, wild women?  Why do they call us wild women when we’re just as tame as can be“.  Rosie was the main saloon girl and one day on our way to the park from the campground we stopped at a convenience store to pick something up and there was Rosie – buying a loaf of bread!  Day made!

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Singing bartenders
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Good times at the Silver Dollar City Saloon.

The street theatre actors recognized the kids from year to year and incorporated them into their acts. They were on a first name basis with the Sheriff and the Deputy, with the Hatfields and McCoys. With the Rainmaker and the Undertaker who wandered the streets with his measuring tape. They loved the Story Teller and knew what time she would be at her spot to tell stories and choose them to be a part of them. They knew the musicians and where they performed and what time to catch them during the day. They knew the lady who ran the general store and the basket maker and the blacksmith.

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The Rainmaker
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The Storyteller
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More street theatre
Performing with Danny Eakin

And then there was Mercy.  He was the star of Silver Dollar City.  He seemed to be everywhere:  interacting with the guests, heckling and teasing and aggravating and everyone loved him. He knew our kids by name and if we missed a year he would ask them where they had been. Eventually they got to know the actor behind the character. His name was Jack McDowell and they invited him to lunch and he told them about Silver Dollar City behind the scenes. We exchanged Christmas cards and kept up with him and his career for many years.

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Mercy
Mercy on the street.
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He was the star

There were a only a  few rides:  the American Plunge which was a log flume ride and left your stomach at the top of the summit before plunging you down the to the bottom and the Lost River of the Ozarks inner tube ride that guaranteed a good dousing under the waterfall. There was a ball pit and a playground  and a carousel, but mostly it was about the community:  the musicians around every corner and the street theatre which was both predictable and spontaneous, the craftsman and the artisans. It was about the funnel cakes and the frozen lemonade and the penny candy at the general store. As the kids got a little older we would let them roam the park on their own and meet back periodically to check in at a designated spot (it was a different time and a different place). One day I was walking through the park alone and I turned a corner to find the baritone from the barbershop quartet all alone in an isolated spot singing “How Great Thou Art”.   His eyes were closed, his arms lifted to the sky and it struck me that he was not performing, he was worshiping.  This was  a private moment, not a public one.  I tried to slip away unnoticed so as to not interrupt him when he opened his eyes and saw me. He blushed a little.  “I’m on my break,” he said.  “I just needed to recharge.”  For years I would recall that scene when I needed to recharge.

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The American Plunge
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Lost River of the Ozarks

Every day at the park started with the sheriff deputizing all the kids with sheriff badges and then lining them up to stand at attention as the flag was raised. The day ended with the lowering and the folding of the flag.

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The Sheriff deputizes the kids every morning. . . with a badge.
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In the evening we headed to Echo Hollow, the big amphitheater, for the Silver Dollar City Jubilee: an evening of Bluegrass music and comedy with Mercy as the warm up act. They might  change the show from year to year but the performers were always the same – and once again they recognized us and greeted us like old friends. And then it was back to the campground where, if we were lucky, the tent and sleeping bags would be dry and we could light a fire and Dad would pull out his harmonica and we would unwind from the the day so we could  get up in the morning, eat little boxes of cereal and head back to do it all over again.

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Silver Dollar City Jubileee
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Echo Hollow

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I don’t know how many times we went on this vacation. Five maybe?  Six? I know we went back a couple of times after Joy was born. She danced in the streets to the music, she plummeted down the American Plunge tucked in between us and rode the Lost River of the Ozarks, squealing with delight as the water fall dumped water over our heads. She rode the carousel and ate the funnel cakes and slept in the tent. But I think it was after that that we moved east and the story shifted.

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Joy dancing to the music

We made one trip with all of eight of us. In was in 1989. Fletcher was a year old, Joy was five and the others were . . .  older. But it wasn’t the same. Some of the old, familiar faces were gone, others had taken their place who didn’t know us from the next guy and there some new, added  “attractions”.  Still, it was enough the same that we could say, “Oh!  And remember this?!” But you could tell that change was afoot.

The last trip – 1995. And that’s Jack McDowell in the middle.

In the summer of 1995 we were making a trip to Colorado for Paul’s parent’s 50th wedding anniversary. Somehow somebody suggested, “What if we went through Branson and spent a day at Silver Dollar City?  But maybe we sleep in a cabin.”  And so we did. We wanted Fletcher to see it, to experience it, but afterwards we all sort of wished we hadn’t done it. The magic was gone.  It was more like a conventional theme park – more about the plethora of  rides which had been added  over the years and less about the craftsmen and the music and the street theatre. Less personal somehow and more crowded. We did look up Jack McDowell. who was working someplace else by then and had lunch with him.  But he had moved on too, and we all mourned the loss of the place where we had met and spent so many happy hours. We stopped by the Blue Mountain Camp Ground just to see if it was still there.  It was.  Chad had died some time ago and Faye was away when we stopped, but when we went in the office, there on the bulletin board was a picture of two year old Joy.

Joy reminds me that in 1999, Paul and I and she and Fletch stopped again when we were traveling west to see family. Oddly enough, I have absolutely no memories of it.  Maybe it was just too different and I didn’t want to remember it that way.

One of the kids said once, “Don’t you wish you could go back to Silver Dollar City for the first time?”  And that sort of captures it. It was magical. Pure and utter magic. But it’s sort of like Camelot or Brigadoon. It’s been almost 40 years since that first time and now it’s gone and there’s no way to get back to what it was no matter how much you might wish otherwise. And maybe that’s where the magic lies. The place – as we knew it –  is gone.  The children – as we knew them – are gone.  But the stories.  They are alive and well and welcome us back again and again.

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In the Heat of the Night

She was born in the throes of a fierce Kansas thunderstorm on a hot summer night. The wind hurled the rain against the hospital windows until I thought surely they would break. The lightning splintered the night sky and the thunder cracked open the heavens and the splintering and cracking open of my  body seemed to answer back with an ever increasing intensity. Paul sang to me, he read to me, he talked to me and he prayed over me and the storm raged both inside and out. I was exhausted and I was stuck and it seemed we were at an impasse. I had been in this room all day, all evening and all night. The dawn would break before long. The doctor explained “You are stuck at eight centimeters and have been there for too long. We are going to take you to delivery and see if you can push the baby out. If not, we’ll bring you back.” What he meant was, “If you can’t deliver the baby, we will bring you back to surgery and do a Caesarian” (today that decision would have been made hours earlier). What I heard was, “. . . we will bring you back to this room of torture and you will continue to do what you have been doing for the last bazillion hours.” And I knew that hell would freeze over before I would let that happen.

I no longer remember how long I pushed, but I knew that I was nearing my limit. Later, when I looked at myself in the mirror, I realized that I had broken what looked like every capillary in my face from the sheer force of the pushing. The doctor tried forceps and I shrieked at him to get away from me. He sat down on a stool a little ways away to rest (what did HE have to rest from?!) and I knew any minute he was going to call this. And then it was over. In one long and horrific contraction. All at once – just like that. No head and then shoulders and then body. It was like a cannon ball being shot out of the cannon. The doctor jumped, ran, grabbed (several times) and I heard him yell, “I GOT IT!” Her whole body came flying like a bat out of hell, face up, eyes wide open and he caught her by one foot . It was a hard-won fight, but she had prevailed and she would be a fighter for the rest of her life.

We took her home from the hospital to the upstairs apartment of an old, un-airconditioned house (this house and the Kansas summer heat are detailed in other stories). We had acquired a working window air conditioner and so we could cool one room, the living room. On really hot nights we would put the older two kids and Paul on the floor, and I would sleep on the couch. By the time we got home from the hospital the worst of the heat had broken and so the kids were back in their room and Paul and I and the baby slept in the living room: Paul on the floor, me on the couch and the baby in the cradle. Our first night home Paul insisted, “After what you’ve been through, you need to rest (no argument from me there) so when she wakes up, I’ll get up and bring her to you and you just stay put.”  We had a plan. About 2:00 a.m. I heard her stirring. “Paul, she’s awake.” Nothing. She starts to whimper. “Paul, can you get her?” Nothing. She begins to cry. “PAUL, can you bring the baby to me?” Nothing. “Okay. I’ll just get her myself.” Nothing. By now she is screaming as am I, “PAUL!!! WAKE UP!!!!!!” At which point, he sat up, put his pillow carefully in my arms, and passed out cold. But his intentions were good.

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Maybe it was because it had taken all of her energy just to be born, but from the first day, she slept. . . a lot. Within a couple of days, she was sleeping for 8-10 hours at night, with long stretches in the daytime as well. It was nothing like the first two but I figured each one is different and all was well. . . until we took her to the doctor for her follow up. The doctor weighed her and the drop in her birth weight was alarming. “How often is she nursing?” the doctor demanded. I explained that sometimes during the day she would go for 6 hours and at night 8-10. “But she can’t be hungry,” I assured her pediatrician. “She doesn’t cry.” “Mrs. Abbott, your baby is starving. She’s too weak to cry.” But I cried. And then we went home and set a timer and woke her up every two hours around the clock and every day we took her to the doctor’s office to weigh her in and slowly she began to gain weight and to thrive although it took her an entire year to double her birthweight to 16 pounds. I have always thought that maybe she took that first year to recover from the night we battled through the storm and to prepare herself for the battles she would fight throughout her life.

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To quote the bard:  “And though she be but little, she is  fierce. ” She was not much past her first birthday the night we put her to bed in her crib and retired to the living room to unwind from the day. After about an hour she appeared in the doorway. Really??! Already she was climbing out of the crib? I knew she was a climber but I hadn’t been prepared for this – not yet. But I really was not prepared for what I found when I returned her to bed. She had dismantled the crib, pulling the bars out one by one until she had a created an escape hatch big enough for three of her to wiggle through. But that’s not all. She had removed the sheet from the mattress and discovered a tiny pin-prick of a hole. And now, covering the bedroom floor, were layers of cotton stuffing which she had systematically removed from said mattress until she had almost entirely emptied it of its content.

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It was Thanksgiving Day and she was three. She was supposed to be napping. I think it started with the chair. Or maybe it was the piggy bank. Wherever it started, it ended with a trip to the emergency room. She had climbed onto the rocking chair to reach the piggy bank on the shelf and when they all came tumbling down, the piggy bank was shattered and the gash in her chin was going to need stitches. They put her little three year old body on the table wrapped in a papoose sort of straight jacket to keep her from moving because, the doctor explained, nobody could get out of that. She would have none of it and to their astonishment (though not to mine) she was quickly free and fighting them off. The doctor told Paul, “You’re going to have to help the nurse hold her down because we can’t do this if she’s moving and there is no way she will be still without restraint. Her dad leaned in. “Fathie, if you are perfectly still and do not make a move and let them put the stitches in your chin, I will take you for ice cream when we are done.” Okay – she whispered back and her body lay perfectly still and unflinching. Finding someplace to get ice cream on Thanksgiving Day proved to be problematic. But a promise was a promise and after driving the town, we stopped at 7-11 and bought a half gallon of ice cream.

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still a lover of the tree tops

Maybe she was always trying to recover that feeling of flying through the air that she had at the moment of her birth and the sense of being freed from the confines of the womb. She loved the freedom of gymnastics –   flying through the air as she came off the vault or doing dismounts off the balance beam. She climbed to the top of the tree in the backyard and when her braids got tangled around the branches, she sent her sister to get me. “Sorry, I don’t do heights. You’ll have to wait till Dad gets home.” So she happily passed the time from her perch overlooking the world until assistance arrived. She loved the biggest and baddest rollercoasters at the theme parks. It was in the days before height restrictions on rides and  she begged Paul to take her on a particularly daunting one at Busch Gardens. He hesitated, I think partly because HE wasn’t too keen on it. But she would not be deterred, and so he stood in the line with her and did his best to talk her out of it. As they were being buckled into the car he said again, “It’s not too late. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather ride something else.” She would not. And as they plunged to what felt to be sure and sudden death, he looked over at her. She set her jaw and hung on for the ride and loved every minute of it.

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She was and is an obsessive organizer. She clipped coupons every week from the Sunday paper and during our monthly grocery shopping trips was quick to assure me that we could afford to buy the more expensive cereal or snack because she had a coupon. She loved to organize the pantry alphabetically and fussed at me when I did not return items to their proper place. “It would help,” I told her, “if your spelling were better.” Why would I think to put jello under “g”?” She couldn’t have been older than eight when a friend of mine with several small children of her own hired her to be her house cleaner. She would go once a week to Libby’s house: organize the kids’ toys, clean under their beds, rearrange the closets, and heaven only knows what else. When she was still a toddler her grandmother called her “the bag lady” because she always had a bag to carry all of her stuff and her accessories. Periodically she would stop mid-step, dump the bag out on the floor and take inventory and if even so much as a doll’s sock was missing, a massive hunt would ensue until said item had been located. My mother marveled that she could keep track of what was supposed to be in the bag at any given time; perhaps this was the beginning of her obsession with list making that would last a lifetime.

The organizational gene she got from her father. Along with his crystal blue eyes and his wanderlust and love for road trips. They are both wordsmiths and introverts and voracious readers. From me she carried the recessive gene that gave us the only red-headed grandchild though she herself was the only one of the six to have dark chestnut hair instead of red. She got the cancer gene that struck both my sisters and would not once but twice rear its ugly head in her body before she reached the age of 40. She got from me her love of summer heat and baking pies. And if she inherited her love of the open road from father, from me she got the “which way is north?” gene. I think she may be the only person who was as excited as I was when the GPS became standard operating procedure.

From the time she learned to make letters, she was a writer and It was not at all unusual to find on my bed at the end of the day a card or note she had written and left there for me to find.

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In the months she lived in Germany she wrote often and eloquently of all she was learning about the land, the culture, the people and the history. When she went away to college, she wrote long and frequent letters home – sharing her life with us as it unfolded. And then again when she moved to Chicago and started her family, her pages-long, hand-written accounts of her life and her thoughts and her musings found their way often to our mailbox. I treasured them all.

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As I look back over them now, these boxes filled with her letters,  it reminds me how much we have lost with the advances in technology. Her message has changed since those childhood, college and young adult days. Her voice has always been her own.

When the storm was over and the wide-eyed baby girl was in my arms, I knew the name we had chosen was the right one. Faith Leanne – born August 12, 1976. “Faith, without works, is dead, ” writes James. It had taken a tremendous amount of hard work, on both her part and mine, to make it happen. But she was here in this world with all of her beauty and her giftedness and her struggles. She was a survivor and a message to us of God’s grace and of the faith it takes to endure the really hard times. As an adult she would choose a different name for herself, and I’m okay with that. Because, in the end, we all choose our own identities and our own stories, though they are forever and inextricably linked with those we call family.

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Post Script: Let me just say how intimidating it is to write about a writer. She would say it so much better and with such poetry, but I can only tell it from my perspective and  with my voice – so it is what is :  a story about thunder and lightning and love.